Are you cool?
I’ll give you a clue: if you’re reading this your answer to the above is probably ‘no’. But have you noticed that these days it can actually be hip to be square?
First off, let’s get a definition of ‘cool’ so we know what we’re wrestling with. WordNet goes with:
“fashionable and attractive at the time; often skilled or socially adept”
How’s this for an idea: if you can’t meet the standard definition of cool, create a new one that fits you better. Once I was an insecure teenager whose greatest desire was to be just like everyone else. As I’ve got older I’ve accepted that there are aspects of my character that I like very much but which are not cool. I’m not willing to give them up, so I’m going to fit cool to me rather than the other way around.
You might argue that it’s pointless to waste any time at all trying to be cool as other people’s opinions aren’t important. That’s true up to a point. It can be expedient to be seen as cool by others if you want to attract certain things into your life, be that partners, career success, rewarding friends or money. You might disagree with that, but admit to yourself that you instinctively have more respect for people you regard as cool. That might be the geeky guy who confidently wears gaudy socks, but probably isn’t the geeky guy with trousers an inch too short and who avoids eye contact when you speak to him.
Conventionally Cool
So having spent my teenage years trying and spectacularly failing to be cool, I think you can only be what I’m going to call ‘conventionally cool’ without trying. If you have to try to be conventionally cool you’ll just look a fool. Instead I think it’s better to create your own cool. If you’re sufficiently confident in it, the insecure people around you will see your belief and agree that you are cool. To believe otherwise would risk making them uncool. Being slightly weird is actually going to be a better look for the conventially uncool than trying and failing to fit in.
In summary then, as long as you’re confident enough you can make most things about you appear cool. You just have to believe it, which means you will act with confidence. I say most things because clearly some are never going to be cool, like beating your wife or collecting buttons. There’s an invisible line between what you can make cool by having enough confidence and being sufficiently respected, and what even George Clooney couldn’t make cool.
Peer Buy-In
As well as confidence, you need a critical mass of people who buy into your particular brand of cool for this to work (witness gaudy socks vs. too-short trousers). The smaller the group, the fewer people you need on your side, but it also depends on the peer group in question. Those who already know and like you are more likely to agree that you’re cool.
The essence of defining your own cool is that nobody gets to say what’s cool other than you. If you say it with enough conviction then it will be true. On a large scale this is what fashion designers do when they decide that hemp skirts with spandex pockets are cool this season. Obviously they have authority behind them. But you can do the same on a smaller scale without anything like as much authority. After all, they need to persuade the whole fashion industry, you only need to convince the people around you. You’ll never get universal approval anyway, because even things that are conventionally cool are not seen that way by everyone. But they persuade people because they are respected.
So coolness is essentially about confidence. It can be useful but it is based on perception, and perceptions can be altered. You are exactly as cool as you think you are, no more no less.
This is an updated version of a post that originally appeared on my previous blog. It is one of a small selection of the best content I am republishing for continued reader delight.
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