The Great Nickname Lottery

Quite often you have little or no influence over whether you have a nickname and what that nickname is. As a kid I always wanted a nickname. A nickname could tell you a lot about an teenager eager to impress and wow the ladies. I had a few in my time but none that really stuck.

Three stick in my mind:

• MacToot: my family moved back to England from Scotland. My Scottish accent was quite the novelty and so some bright spark came up with MacToot. It didn’t last long, especially since my Scottish accent wore off pretty quickly.
• Tricky Dicky: Richard’s a relatively common name and wherever I go there’s usually at least one other Richard kicking around. Nothing especially tricky about me, but it rhymes and is very faintly amusing. Lasted about a month.
• Ricky T: same reasoning as above and still used occasionally today.

Nicknames broadly fall into a few fairly distinct categories and timeframes. There are nicknames that are passing fads, such as mine I listed above. They don’t reach a critical mass of usage or their time passes. Others are dependent on the people who use them. If you have a nickname at school and then go off to university, that nickname will likely only live on if you actively promote its use. Then there are those that last a lifetime, if only among certain of your friendship groups. In this case, the friends you had at school or university will probably continue to call you Piston until you (or a new significant other) ask them not to.

Broad categories of nicknames:

• Names or variations thereon: your surname is Jones, you’re known as Jones or Jonesy. Sticking a -y or -ie on the end of a name is uninspired but very popular. Rhymes involving names are also possible, such as my Tricky Dicky.
• Event-based nicknames: the guy who decides to dye his hair peroxide blonde becomes Proggy. The chap known as Cookie - surname Cook? Good guess, but actually due to a striking resemblance to the Cookie Monster. The man called Rob who once showed off his reputedly generous member was henceforth Rob the Nob.
• Likeness-based nicknames: you might bear a striking resemblance to a famous person or clearly belong to a certain group, for example Rock Chick Susie or Punk Alex.
• Character-based nicknames: such as Dipstick for the intellectually challenged or the ladies man, Meatball for the guy who loves to eat and it shows.
• The self-awarded nickname that nobody uses: a friend of mine decided he wanted his handle to be sblade01, short for Super Blade 2001, and further shortened to Blade. Never used by anyone, except in the most mocking of tones.

Are you desperate to get a nickname but not sure how? It’s a tricky undertaking, but it is possible. Here are a few ideas:

• Ask your friends to use it: the reaction you get will depend on your friends and the nickname you choose. Sblade01 was clearly never going to be used by anyone. Ace and Wildstar seem unlikely to be winners. But if you just want a simple variation on your first name or surname you might be in luck.
• Demonstrate a need: sick of being confused with the other five Andrews you know? Chances are your friends are too, so offering them a way to cut down the confusion simply by calling you Chilli might be successful.
• Benefit from a clean break: when I went to university I took the opportunity to have a radical rethink of my uneven curtains hairstyle, but I could just as easily have arrived on day one and introduced myself as Jake to everyone I met. With no previous frame of reference, my new friends would quite likely have gone with it.

Got any more ideas for earning yourself a nickname? Have I missed any categories of nickname? Make your point in the comments.

photo credit: mr.rich

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